In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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