carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
