I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
