All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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