What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I believe in your delicious
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
