like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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