saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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