"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
did i walk over a car last night?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
