So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
