Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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