How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
