i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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