Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
