six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
