what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
even my farts smell like vagina
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
