What tipped you off? The sombrero?
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
