I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
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