He asked me if I "almost moaned"
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
