Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
