No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
