accomplished twins. life is a go
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
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