We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
