we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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