I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
