I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
