There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
