did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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