direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
