Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
