cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
