maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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