On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
