You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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