Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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