she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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