used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
