I'm drive I can fine osifer
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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