You made me cry and you don't even care
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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