So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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