What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
