Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
We need to feng shui this bitch.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
