If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
