Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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