Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Randomize
