Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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