Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
where am i from again
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
