I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Randomize
