saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
