i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
