The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
